THE SNOW IS ALMOST GONE, AND IT’S TIME FOR SOME SPRING FEVER SEX
TED KERR / ted@vueweekly.com
The snow is melting, bodies are emerging from under layers of wool and gortex, the possibilities of summer are springing to mind—sex is the air. If you have even one iota of desire to, you should have sex. You should stretch, take a shower, brush your teeth, smile at yourself in the mirror, put on your favourite shirt and leave the house right now to go have sex.
Walk to where you know queer people who have sex congregate—the bar, a grocery store, a coffee shop, a bathhouse, a house party ... whatever. Smile at someone you want to see naked. Flirt and let yourself be flirted with. Talk to someone you find sexy; make jokes, laugh—if they don’t laugh then walk away and try again with someone else, because sex should be fun.
Ask questions; get a feel for them before you cop of feel of them. Do they have a sense of humour, a sense of self, clean teeth, good breath? These things are important. Look at their hands, when you imagine those hands on your body does it excite you? Is that what you want?
Have they asked you questions? If yes, stay put, keep the conversation going. Have they answered your questions? If yes, stay put and keep the conversation going.
Now steer the conversation to sex. Start by talking about your body. Say how nice it is to feel the warm weather on your skin or talk about aches you might need massaging—this is testing the waters. How do you feel as you are talking to them?
From the moment you leave your house do periodic check-ins with your body. Note when you get goosebumps, shivers or feel the urge to dry heave or dry hump. Keep tabs on your private parts. Are they up? Down? Engaged? Engorged? Excited? Lethargic? Be aware of when you are grinning, biting your lip, moving your hand over your body. If you find yourself covering your mouth with your hand more than once, know that you are feeling repressed. Sex is the opposite of repression, it is about release, exploration and expression.
While you are talking about flesh and the body watch for their physical and verbal reactions. Are they participating? Learn more about their body: ask questions, steal glances at areas that turn you on, allow visible parts of your body to brush against public parts of their body—did you like it? How did they respond?
Think about what you want to do with your body and what you need to do it: another person, privacy, an audience, condoms, lube, love, safe words, a chair, trust, a flat surface? Have deal breakers, negotiate, know what you will do and not do and be balanced. Be flexible without being fatalistic. Take a chance in the moment but not with your life or the health of your genitalia.
If things are going well and you find yourself grinning, wanting to use your private parts and are communicating then know that you are already engaged in the act of sex. Keep going if you want, walk away if you want. Are you smiling? Then you have made the right choice.
When you are using your body, go some place where you feel safe, where you can be free and loud. Watch how they take off their clothes—this should be part of the fun. Oh yeah, if you take off your underwear remember where you throw them just in case you have to make a quick exit.
Smell their body. Do you like it? Do you want it in your mouth? Against your skin? Is the person you were taking to the same person you are touching? Are you having a laugh?
Make eye contact, say words, make sounds, have fun, pitch the tip. Work hard, be an active participant—even if you are being submissive, passive and receptive.
Listen to the sounds they are making- guess and act on what you think they mean—ask with your hands, your body—they will answer with their body if you are right. Stop if they say so. Stop if you feel threatened. In all other cases, keep going. Enjoy every moment, even the possible self-conscious ones. It is part of the experience.
After it is all done, stretch, be good and clean up after yourself, throw condoms in the garbage not the toilet, look the person in the eyes. Do you feel great? Then say so. Promise yourself to masturbate about this at least once. If you do not feel great then leave and call a friend, write in your journal, take a shower or grab a coffee and do not have sex again until you understand what just happened.
This is spring fever sex. Have fun, don’t hurt anyone against their will, don’t hurt yourself, be selfish, be slutty, be smutty, be safe, be a tease, be sexy, be self aware, be satisfied. Tell me about it!
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